Have a New Kid By Friday: Day 4 & 5

While I'd love to tell you that I sat down and read the entire book, I didn't.  Who has time to read?  I suppose if I stopped surfing Pinterest and watching any of the Real Housewives I'd have time but I'm not giving either one of those up any time soon.. so instead we just skipped to the ever so handy back of the book that addresses specific concerns like spitting, hitting, siblings, etc. 

The verdict?  I hate to discount the book in any way but really it has all come down to staying consistent, following through and giving her any undivided attention we can.  Those three things are of course recommended in the book but I probably didn't need the book to tell me that. 

It sounds easy but when staying consistent means enforcing consequences even when you either a. know it will break her heart or b. probably isn't really that big of a deal NOW but could become a big deal LATER- it's hard.  I hate to take away activities or toys especially I know when she's really sorry and even more so when I like the toy or activity! :) But being sorry isn't enough- it's the "hurt" that comes with having to leave the park or putting away a fun game because we weren't following directions. 

Another piece of the puzzle is giving her lots of attention when we can.  I feel terrible when she asks me to come play with her and I can't (because I'm feeding, changing, soothing, etc Adler) and it's no coincidence that during those times she starts to test my limits.  So my solution has been to play with her even when she's playing well by herself every chance I get and if I can't play with her I've been getting really creative with some actives (I'll post pictures later) that she can do by herself.  And again, sounds easy but that means less checking email and reading magazines for mama.  It's ok though- her improved behavior is well worth it!   

I know if people were to watch us in action they'd probably think, "Geeez!  Relax..." but if I know one thing about Sloane (and most kids) if you give her an inch she will run right over you and make you pay.  It's better for everyone to keep her in line even with the little things.

I hate to even say this for fear of jinxing it but I've even thought a few times, "Wow, what a well behaved girl she is." Of course, it's not all the time but she's so good about saying, "please, thank you, excuse me, may I..." and there have been a handful of time she has picked items up without being told!

And finally, since Sloane and Adler can't say to me, "Mom, you're doing a great job with us, keep up the good work.  We appreciate it." I've realized there are a few things that need to happen everyday (or most days) that make me feel like I'm doing a good job.  These are in no particular order....

• Exercise--it honestly give me more energy and patience to deal with whatever comes up later in the day....I think this was one of the missing link a few weeks ago but now that Adler is 6 weeks I can take them both to the nursery!
• Clean--something, anything!  My house is by no means spic and span but having stuff a little picked up helps.
• Doing something active with Sloane
• Reading books with Sloane--she used to love books and now it's like pulling teeth to get her to listen to a book.  We're working on it.  
• Having a plan for dinner-- ideally, we'd eat together and I'd like to be the one to cook it.  I'm not a cook but I do feel more "mom-like" when I do and I really feel good when we eat together.  
• Shower-- Hey, it can be hard to find time some days!   

If those 6 things can happen then I'm a happy mama!  And, if you want an extremely happy mama throw in a Target trip in there too.  :)

Thanks to everyone who has given John and I support the last few weeks.  We've really needed the encouragement.  Throw "adjusting to two (or more) kids" on the list of things parents don't talk about until you ask them and then they tell you how horrible it is. FYI also on the list- breastfeeding and potty training.  Hopefully someday we'll pass the support onto our kids.   
  

Have a New Kid By Friday: Day 2 & 3

As I wrote about in my last post, John and I started implementing some new discipline techniques with Sloane on Friday and I have to say by Saturday we were already seeing some improvement!  We took the divide and conquer approach to errands- John took Sloane and I took Adler.  John said she was "as good as one could expect a toddler to be" at the bike shop.

Of course we did still have a few meltdowns but we'd be fools to expect perfection.

One of the ideas the author suggest is only asking once.  If children don't respond then you take care of the problem for them.  The kicker is though  next time they ask for something they don't get it.  For instance, yesterday I asked Sloane to help pick up her toys and instead of nagging her to do it and then getting upset when she didn't do it I just did it myself.  About two seconds later, she wanted a popsicle and as recommended I told her we couldn't have a popsicle right now.  Of course that was followed with a million "why's" but after she realized she couldn't get a treat because she didn't help she threw a fit and wanted to spill all her toys out again just to pick them up.  :)  She gets its, it's just a matter of us staying consistent.

A problem I'm having though is taking away privileges of hers that I enjoy too.  On Sunday she wasn't following directions and I could feel myself starting to get upset when I said, "Ohhhh!  How sad!  I guess we can't go to the park this afternoon." (which we had originally planned).  As soon as I said that I thought, "Uggghhh why did I just say that!?  That was stupid, now I can't go to the park either!"  I need to stop and think before I tell her the consequences of her behavior.

 All in all I'd say we are headed in the right direction,       

Have A New Kid By Friday: Day 1

I know everyone has a bad day at the office now and then but I've had a bad day at the "office" just about everyday this week and when your "office" also happens to be your home no one is happy.

I hate to rag on her because I love her dearly and she is such a blessing to have but Sloane has me wanting to cry, yell, scream into the pillow, cry again, beg her behave and finally throw my hands up and wave the white flag all in a matter of minutes. And John isn't far behind me either.  She's officially out of control.  Or you could say we're out of control.  Either way it's had me questioning if staying at home is what is best for her, me and the rest of our family.

I hate to even say this at risk of offending my working mom friends but at this point going to work looks like a much more appealing option then staying at home another day.  I've never had and can't even imagine a job that tests my patience more intensely then this past week has.  I do think it's important to note that I'm well aware that patience has never been my strong point. Of course, I don't really want to go back to work but I feel terrible spending what feels like the majority of my day battling a 3 year-old. 

I know what you're thinking. That it's typical toddler behavior, right?  I would argue that Sloane isn't the typical toddler but even if it was typical toddler behavior it's still behavior I'm not willing to put up with.  She's yelling commands at us, throwing tantrums multiple times a day, runs away out of sight often, has NO regard for safety requests we've made when near Adler (that one really gets to me) and top it off this week she was in time out twice at the gym for spitting and choking other kids. I'm not saying she's the only 3 year-old who acts this way.  I know she's not because I have seen other children behave the same way- they're on Super Nanny. Only joking, she's not that bad but even her teachers at the gym and preschool have noted her amazing, endless amounts of "energy". The only thing keeping me sane right now is John, who is always home on time to give me a break. 

I've taken Love and Logic classes and read multiple parenting books so I'm not a complete dummy when it comes to disciplining Sloane but obviously whatever we've been doing wasn't cutting it anymore.  Knowing of my frustration my mother recommend a book she saw on the news that had rave reviews.  "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman.  We have nothing to lose at this point so I read the first 50 pages last night and started implementing some of his principles first thing this morning.

It's not rocket science, but I'm focusing on consistency, follow through and only making requests once- no more warnings.  Needless to say it was a rough morning- a lot of privileges were taken away, a few time outs and a lot of tears but she's a smart cookie and I'm sure (I hope) will catch on fast that Mom and Dad are taking back control of the house! 

I'll be sure to keep you updated!

3 weeks

This last Friday Adler was three weeks old and while I'm sure you can't see much of a difference in the photos he seems to be packin' on the pounds! 

Peanut

I have to be honest....I've been kinda tough on Sloane these past two weeks.  As I've told many people- she loves Adler, hates us.  Undesirable behaviors (i.e. running away, throwing toys, etc) that didn't seem  much of an issue before Adler now seem to be a huge deal and thanks in part to lack of sleep and patience I haven't always dealt with them in an acceptable adult like manner.  Translation- I yell at her, feel bad about yelling and then cry about it.

Now with one week under my belt of just the three of us at home alone I think Sloane and I are coming to a mutual understanding of one another.  I've relaxed a little, after all she is only a toddler adjusting to some huge life changes and she's started following directions much better.  Give a little, take a little right?

Anyways, we were outside yesterday (with the camera of course) and I snapped this picture of Sloane and thought to myself, "My God, she's not a baby anymore." **Thanks to raging hormones I'm fighting tears just writing this-- what happened to me?!  She really is a little girl, make that beautiful little girl.  She hears everything you say, remembers everything you say and despite being a little turd a lot of the time she has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. 

And just for the record no matter how old or big she gets she'll always be my peanut. :)   

Any relation?

I was outside with Sloane and Adler today and had a few minutes to snap some pictures.  As I was going through them I ran across one that Adler reminded me so much of Sloane.  What do you think? 

This is Sloane at one week.  We paid (what seemed like it at the time) big bucks to have her photo taken and she cried all the way through it.  I swear I had broken her.  People keep asking me who I think Adler looks like and the only person I can come up with is Sloane!  Which of course, in my opinion is great because I think she's adorable! 

Since then I've conned John into buying me a nice camera to take our own pictures which for these poor kids means any well behaved moment tends to turn into a "photo shoot".

And here is one I did with sidewalk chalk.... I'm trying to learn how to use new photo editing software now that picnik is gone so excuse the "flare" :)  

More pictures to come soon! 

He's here!

He's finally here- Adler John was born Friday May 4 at 1:15 in the afternoon!  After going a week overdue John and I (along with our doctors) decided it was time to be induced. 

We went in Friday morning and got things rolling right away- water broke, pitocin (to get contractions started) pumping by 8:30.  I'll spare you the gross details but around noon I started to get pretty uncomfortable with the pain and was only dilated to a 3 so I decided to get an epidural to make myself comfortable.  The nurse came in and checked me again right before the anesthesiologist entered and I was a 5.  While I was happy to make progress I was in quite a bit of pain by this point.  Fast forward 30 minutes later (1pm) the poor anesthesiologist still hadn't gotten the epidural in (probably because I couldn't sit still) and I felt like I needed to push!  The nurse checked me again- fully dialted and I quote, "He's right there."- referring to Adler's head...

All I could think was, "Nooooooo, this is not happening!  I wanted the epidural!  I'm just going to walk out of here and go home, I'm not having him today. I don't want to do this anymore!"  I hadn't practiced breathing techniques or anything- thank God for my wonderful, wonderful nurse, Denise.  I'm pretty sure I broke her hand and as John would say taught her a few new vocabulary words. 

Because I had progressed so rapidly the on-call doctor wasn't able to make it back in time.  I remember another doctor coming in and introducing herself saying she was going to help until I couldn't wait any longer.  Of course I told her in a not so calm manner that I wasn't waiting.  Someone had to be at the end of the table because this kid was coming out!  Just as I got my feet in the stirrups another doctor from our OB group entered (in nice dress clothes no less) and told me I could push whenever I was ready- thank God!

There must have been an Angel looking out for me because three contractions worth of pushes later and he was out!  It was honestly one of the most intense situations I've ever been in and of course totally worth every second but I'm not so sure I'd do it that way again. 

Enough about me :) 

Adler is a peach!  I know, I know he's only six days old but we really can't complain. He's almost back up to his birth weight, sleeps fairly well (for a newborn) and has his dad's hearty appetite!  Sloane loves him so much.  She's always ready to give him a blanket or a toy and loves giving him hugs and kisses which just melts our hearts but we're still working on "nice, gentle touches."  Of course, she's still a handful but let's be honest- she was before Adler came along. :)  There will be growing pains and we'll have to learn how to juggle two on one but we'll get there...eventually.....right?

And let's talk about John for a minute too... He's taken the whole week off to help us get adjusted.  He's always more then willing to change a diaper, swaddle, get me water while in the middle of the night while I'm nursing or take Sloane for a walk.  He's a jack of all trades dad and husband and the three of us are so very lucky to have him.  Yes, I'm bragging...be jealous.  I couldn't ask for anything more.  Annnnnddd he didn't even complain when I practically strangled him during delivery.  He's a champ.

I've taken a few pictures and will post more later but just had to get this one up.  Too sweet!